Friday, January 30, 2009


Do you ever have days where some things just scare you? You know it's silly and not logical, but you just can't help it. I'm having one of those days.

We lost a friend the other night. He was fighting cancer, but appeared to be giving it a good fight. It wasn't the cancer that killed him. It was an anuerysm. It was quick and painless, but he's still gone. His wife has been a dear friend for as long as I can remember. She grew up with my husband and I've known her for 37 years.

It's odd the things that death makes go through your head. My fear today is being 54. My dad was 54 when he died. I'm probably the only person I know that can't wait to turn 55. I can't get my mind off the things that dad missed. He only got to see four of his grandkids, even though there were five more to come. There are the six great grandkids. He would just be eating them up. He loved being grandpa. Why did he have to miss it all? Why did my kids have to not get to know him? My oldest daughter was only two and a half when he died. I can't imagine how proud he would have been of my twins. They were the ninth set of twins on his side of the family. My youngest daughter has his sense of humor. He missed it all.

My fear is, what if it happens to me? What if I pick the short stick and have to leave my family early? I have two perfect and beautiful granddaughters. What if I miss all the rest of my grandkids and all the great grandkids? What if I miss my youngest daughter's wedding? What if, what if, what if??????

So, these have been my thoughts today. I know that dwelling on it does nothing good. It just seems since my birthday, I think of it more often than I did before and times like now just make it worse. I'm sure I'll be better after Monday's funeral and things calm down, but right now, I'm scared and I miss my dad.


  1. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. On your own intelligence, rely not. In all your ways, be mindful of Him, and He will make straight your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

    "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

    These help me on my "fearful" days :)

  2. I wish I could give you a hug right now. Oh, My gosh, the comment ShowSomeLovin left you is exactly what I was thinking. Jeremiah 29:11 is my favorite scripture and I live by that scripture! Do Not let Fear consume you, my friend. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend and your dad at such a young age, but you know what? Your dad is with you every day, in spirit. He sees his grandchildren. I know you don't have the physical, but you have the spiritual. The good news is, one day we will all be with our loved ones, if we choose the right path. I had that fear a few weeks ago worrying about my health, and then a good friend called me up and told me to let that fear go and things will be ok...and they are. I hope today is a better day for you.

  3. Fear, of no matter what, is a powerful enemy. I am trying to choose not to let it run my respect the things I fear, but try to make choices to make it manageable. So far, it's a day-to-day battles. Some days are better...other days worse. BUT....the important thing is I am dealing with it....facing it. Hang in there and fight the good fight!

  4. Ok, Since you want to play the Letter game, I will give you the letter "B"....Have a good time coming up with your words...let me know when you are done, so I can check back!

  5. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. Like Diane said, Fear is a powerful enemy. Is so easy to let it run your life, but be strong...

    ... and hopefully your birthday will come soon :)

  6. My mom always told me not to be afraid of things that I have no control over, but to just enjoy each day for what it is, without letting the fear of what might happen ruin the joy of what is happening.


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