Project Me

Homework. It's been a long time since people expected me to do homework. That is until last week. These sisters of mine are tough. This weeks assignment is to look back at our year. What worked and what didn't in our weight loss/fitness journey. That is a huge thing to think about. So many things to sort through. This could take pages and pages, if you wanted to really do the assignment justice. I'm going to try to keep it managable, but still make it real with no lying or fudging on facts.

Let's start with body image, where mine comes from. Not to pass the buck, but a lot of mine comes from my sister. She is thin, always has been. She doesn't have to work at it at all. The problem is that she constantly talks about peoples bodies. She has been doing this for as long as I can remember. A long time. She comments all the time about if people are fat, skinny, whatever. I don't think she even knows she does it. I don't think she does it to be cruel. I hope she doesn't do it intentionally to make me feel like crap because if she is, it's always had the negative effect. I've always said, "she can't tell me what to do, people like me just like I am". Maybe other people did, but the bottom line is that I didn't like me. It took me a long time to realize that, but I finally did.

I finally had the aha moment when I looked in the mirror and said "this is crazy, I look like crap, I feel like crap, but what do I do and how do I start?". The hard part started. It took me a long time and a lot of starts and stops before I really thought I could do this. I think you all know what I am going to say next. The Sisterhood was my saving grace. I don't pretend that I have it all together yet. I'm a true work in progress, but I know I can do this. You helped me realize that and I can never thank you enough. In June when I received the first Sister Spotlight award, I knew that I was going to do this because I would never want to disappoint my sisters when they put that faith in me. It was another aha moment, so to speak.

What I did that worked for me in 2009.....

1. I packed my lunch for work. No more eating out and eating crap. The wonderful thing about that is that now if I eat fast food, it literally makes me sick. My stomache can't take it anymore. I think that is great!

2. I planned the time of day that I would work out. If I didn't, I always had excuses of why I couldn't fit it in. I always do it first thing in the morning. I'm fresh and ready to go. I have also started doing the treadmill at night while I watch something on tv.

3. I've learned that water is my friend.

4. I believe in my myself that I can do this. If I fall off the wagon (like last week), I know that I can get right back on. Before I would throw my arms up and just give up completely. Not now!

5. I gave myself the power to choose if I want to mess up. If we go out for dinner and I want to have a cocktail or two, I'll do it. I just know that I have to make that up somewhere the next day.

6. I've only been doing it a short time, but planning my meals a week in advance has been a lifesaver. Why didn't I think of that sooner?

What I did that didn't work in 2009.....

1. Sitting on my butt when I could have been working out. I did that lots of days.

2. Letting other people lead me astray.

3. Saying "just one won't hurt" because it will.

4. Believing there were things I couldn't do.

5. Getting mad at myself and falling into old patterns.

I am excited about 2010. I have grandkids to chase with a new one due in April. I want to be the fun grandma who can run and play on the swings and in the pool. I won't be the fat, winded old lady. Not now, not ever. I'm taking the time for me. It's a new concept for me because I have always been the person who does for everyone else first. I always put myself last. I'm still the same person who will always do for others, but I can also do something for me and not feel guilty about it.

If we do this homework in January of 2011, I'll be very excited. It will be a great post complete with pictures. Just you wait and see!